Kainaaz Patell, 31, had the dream man, but an unsatisfactory marriage. She tells Aarthi Gunnupuri how she focused on herself to make her marriage a solid, equal partnership
"I found my true self in London three years back. After years of feeling like a burden to my marriage, it dawned on me that I had to make some changes if I wanted to be happy again.
"I met Rayomand seven years ago through an aunt. On our first date, he planned out dinner, mixed it up with lovely conversation and served dessert with charm. How could a girl resist? Soon, we were engaged."
"A few months into the marriage, it dawned on me that juggling work and home was a tough act. I had a dream job at a travel agency that took me around the world. But since I spent a lot of time away from my husband, I quit soon after. Now the focus slipped stealthily to my husband and his life. His life became my life."
"Within a matter of weeks, I had turned into a nag. Losing an income didn't affect the Patell household, but asking my husband for pocket money did deflate my confidence.
On a happier note, I became pregnant during this time."
"After Jehaan's arrival, when I finally had the time to look up from the crib, I noticed the amount of weight I had put on. But one day, an invitation to stay with a close friend for a few months in London came my way. Jehaan in tow, I set off. Distance is supposed to make your heart grow fonder. And while I did miss my husband, the distance gave me some much-needed perspective and I started missing my old self."
"When I came back to Mumbai, change was in order. I decided if I had to mope around, I might as well do it on a treadmill. I'd read somewhere that there's nothing like an affair to boost your confidence. So I began mine with Renoir and Monet. I had always been interested in art, but for the first time I took it seriously and signed up for art classes. These positive changes encouraged me to learn another skill, something I was always too scared to attempt-driving in chaotic Mumbai."
"Rayomand must've noticed the changes in me, I realised, because one evening, he suddenly said, 'Since you can drive and are in tune with the art world, you should get a job at an art gallery.' Soon I was indispensable to an upcoming gallery in the city. At least, that's what I'd like to think!"
"Working on my life and my own happiness has had a wonderful effect on my relationship. When you're feeling negative and under-confident, it's hard for your smile to reach your eyes. The confi dence that dropping 20 kg gave me has put the mojo back into my life and, subsequently, into our relationship. Like MF Husain, our petty bickering is now in exile."
"With my new job, I am stimulated intellectually and creatively. This has made pillow talk far more interesting. I know the new me is a work in progress. But when you realise how personal contentment affects different facets of your life and relationships, there's more incentive to chase your dreams. Recently, we went to Paris and I was glad that the only baggage I carried with me was my LV case-paid for with my credit card."
PHOTOGRAPH BY SAMEER MANGTANI; MAKEUP BY PRIYANKA PALKAR; HAIR BY RATNA RAO
If getting gorgeous is on your mind always, you can't afford to miss out BIG AND BEAUTIFUL beauty issue. For all that buzzy info, gossip and killer deals, grab our beauty issue - out on the stands on 21st April. For more action, check out http://www.facebook.com/feminawoman
"I met Rayomand seven years ago through an aunt. On our first date, he planned out dinner, mixed it up with lovely conversation and served dessert with charm. How could a girl resist? Soon, we were engaged."
"A few months into the marriage, it dawned on me that juggling work and home was a tough act. I had a dream job at a travel agency that took me around the world. But since I spent a lot of time away from my husband, I quit soon after. Now the focus slipped stealthily to my husband and his life. His life became my life."
"Within a matter of weeks, I had turned into a nag. Losing an income didn't affect the Patell household, but asking my husband for pocket money did deflate my confidence.
On a happier note, I became pregnant during this time."
"After Jehaan's arrival, when I finally had the time to look up from the crib, I noticed the amount of weight I had put on. But one day, an invitation to stay with a close friend for a few months in London came my way. Jehaan in tow, I set off. Distance is supposed to make your heart grow fonder. And while I did miss my husband, the distance gave me some much-needed perspective and I started missing my old self."
"When I came back to Mumbai, change was in order. I decided if I had to mope around, I might as well do it on a treadmill. I'd read somewhere that there's nothing like an affair to boost your confidence. So I began mine with Renoir and Monet. I had always been interested in art, but for the first time I took it seriously and signed up for art classes. These positive changes encouraged me to learn another skill, something I was always too scared to attempt-driving in chaotic Mumbai."
"Rayomand must've noticed the changes in me, I realised, because one evening, he suddenly said, 'Since you can drive and are in tune with the art world, you should get a job at an art gallery.' Soon I was indispensable to an upcoming gallery in the city. At least, that's what I'd like to think!"
"Working on my life and my own happiness has had a wonderful effect on my relationship. When you're feeling negative and under-confident, it's hard for your smile to reach your eyes. The confi dence that dropping 20 kg gave me has put the mojo back into my life and, subsequently, into our relationship. Like MF Husain, our petty bickering is now in exile."
"With my new job, I am stimulated intellectually and creatively. This has made pillow talk far more interesting. I know the new me is a work in progress. But when you realise how personal contentment affects different facets of your life and relationships, there's more incentive to chase your dreams. Recently, we went to Paris and I was glad that the only baggage I carried with me was my LV case-paid for with my credit card."
SCIENTISTS SAY, CHEER UP!
In an oft-quoted study by psychologists Murray, Holmes and Griffin in 2000, couples with low self-esteem dramatically underestimated how positively their partners saw them. Those who underestimated their partners' regards also had more negative perceptions of their partners.
In an oft-quoted study by psychologists Murray, Holmes and Griffin in 2000, couples with low self-esteem dramatically underestimated how positively their partners saw them. Those who underestimated their partners' regards also had more negative perceptions of their partners.
PHOTOGRAPH BY SAMEER MANGTANI; MAKEUP BY PRIYANKA PALKAR; HAIR BY RATNA RAO
If getting gorgeous is on your mind always, you can't afford to miss out BIG AND BEAUTIFUL beauty issue. For all that buzzy info, gossip and killer deals, grab our beauty issue - out on the stands on 21st April. For more action, check out http://www.facebook.com/feminawoman
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