Does your partner hate your best friend?

After a satisfying day out with your favourite girlfriend, do you come home to find your partner sulking? Do you often wish that your partner would just learn to like your BFF? Ekta Hattangady speaks to experts on how to handle your partner's dislike for that 'other' important person in your life

Sonia’s best friend, Mamta, is her lifeline. They have been best friends since they met at college almost twelve years ago. They speak four to five times a day even now. But Sonia’s husband of seven years just cannot bear to hear even a titbit of information related to Mamta! “There are some times when Mamta comes to our house and Sameer will not even leave the bedroom to say hello,” laments a distressed Sonia.

Are you discussing him?
“Sonia’s situation is not unique, a lot of men feel threatened by strong female bonding,” says Dr. Jahanara of the Institute of Human Behaviour and Applied Sciences, Delhi. “There are several reasons men may dislike their partner’s girlfriends. But mostly it is owing to a man’s own insecurities and the aura of mystery around what women talk about,” she explains. If you are constantly taking the phone into the other room while talking to your friend, it is likely to make your partner feel that you’re discussing him or something that you don’t want him to know. This is likely to agitate him.

Unlike men, women are known to share even minute details of their lives with each other. “A man would definitely feel threatened if he thinks his partner is sharing intimate details about their life with her friend. They may fear being judged by the friend or feel vulnerable and exposed to a person not in their inner circle,” says Dr. Jahanara.

My friend says so…
If a woman often uses her friend’s name to strengthen her point during an argument, it may give the impression that she is easily influenced by external viewpoints. Sonia admits that sometimes she does make remarks like, ‘Mamta and I both think we should do this…’ or, ‘not only me, but Mamta also said…’ “There is a good chance that Sonia’s husband feels that her friend seems to have a say in every little matter that concerns their life,” analyses Dr. Jahanara, “This will not only make her husband dislike her friend more, but will also affect their communication patterns in general.”

“More conventional men tend to feel intimidated by independent and confident women. It makes them feel that their partners will get carried away by the ideas of their radical friends. They may feel threatened when their partners grow and challenge status quo,” says Samata Vasisht, a life coach who runs Synergy Holistic, Mumbai.

Is your friend eating into your ‘couple’ time?
Sonia speaks to her best friend quite often during the evenings. Vashish explains, “Men would not take it well if they feel they have to compete with their partner’s friend to be the No. 1 in their lives. Every marriage has a space. The day is usually meant for work and routine chores, and the evenings to spend time with each other or the family. This space, if often occupied by other things can be very harmful to a relationship.”

Talk it out but don’t confront!
Dr. Jahanara and Ms. Vasisht both agree that open communication about the problem is the key to resolving this deadlock. “Don’t settle for I-just-don’t-like-her,” says Dr. Jahanara, “Ask him to specify what exactly his problem is. Do this gently; else it may sound like a confrontation.”

According to Vasisht, “Men don’t understand that women discuss their problems not in the hope that all their issues will get resolved, but more to feel better after a good rant. When they hear others having similar problems, it makes them feel less isolated. Women need to explain to their partners that they need to have healthy friendships outside.”

Go beyond love!
Make your partner feel wanted as a friend in your life too. Ask for advice from him as you do from your friends. When he knows that he has a secure place in your life, he is unlikely to worry about being displaced.

Encourage ‘bro time’
Both, Jahanara and Vasisht agree that respecting “bro time” - time that partners spend with the boys also helps the situation. A couple where both have stable friendships outside of their relationship is likely to be happier.

So the next time your partner makes a snide remark about your best friend, you know what to do, right?

Top 5 New Year party destinations

It's time to usher in 2011 with style. Instead of partying at your regular stops, take the New Year experience to a different height altogether with our sizzling list. Make your bookings now! By Aanchal Sethi

Czech out Prague
Make sure to prep your ears for some loudness. Because, knowing the Czechs and their capacity to throw a good party, the sky is sure to explode with almost all shapes and sizes of fireworks on New Year’s night in Prague.
Enjoy scenic, fairy-tale architecture and explore the beauty of cobbled streets and romantic candle light dinners. There are plenty of groovy pubs and bars for night outs and many relaxed cafes for lazy lunches through the day to make New Year’s a truly memorable affair.

Sin in Vegas
The city that parties all year round doesn’t disappoint on New Year’s Eve. Las Vegas, known for its clubs, bars, hotels and casinos goes all out to bring in the New Year every year. Grand fireworks, neon lights, street parties, you name it and its right there. Make sure to attend the famous massive wine toast complete with confetti and state of the art light shows. Party like never before and remember, what happens in Vegas, always stays in Vegas!

Live high in Scotland
Start the celebrations early in Edinburgh with the famous ‘Hogmanay’ festival that starts five days before New Year’s Eve. The five day party is an amalgamation of parades, concerts, parties and even dog races. The party ends with massive fireworks as you set foot into the New Year. An interesting Scottish tradition called ‘first-footing’ is to give coal or shortbread to friends and family who set foot in your house in the New Year. Make sure you participate in the tradition and don’t forget to sip some of the world’s finest whiskey.

Drink up in Berlin
Join over a million people that gather every year to attend the massive, overwhelming, drunken celebrations that make New Year’s Eve in Berlin an unforgettable experience. Beautiful fireworks displays, dancing, light shows, international cuisines and hundreds of beer tents make it a night to remember. The 1.2 mile long, ‘Party Mile’ is a street that turns into one huge open - air disco with international DJs, light shows and performing artists. Bring out the party animal in you and live it up like the Germans do!

The ultimate carnival in Rio de Janeiro
They say you haven’t partied well if you haven’t partied in Brazil. On New Year’s, the Copacabana Beach in Rio de Janeiro truly lives up to its reputation of being the most famous beach in the world. Known as ‘Reveillon’ the entire beach turns into an all-day party with a perfect carnival atmosphere, musical stages, dancing and fireworks. Make sure to be dressed in white (it’s a tradition) and join over two million people from all over the world who turn up to make it the ultimate New Year party you mustn’t miss.

Foodbytes: And it’s a Wrap

A filmmaker, fabulous cook, and blogger from the city known as the Oxford of the East - Pune, we meet Jyotsna Shahane. Jyotsna's blog The Cook's Cottage is the space for her eclectic thoughts on food, recipes, opinions, and all things culinary.

An FTII (Film and Television Institute of India) alumni Jyotsna believes that ” life is meant to try one’s hand at creating whatever one can” and for now that means revising and republishing a cookbook written by Narayani Nayak and writing a cookbook for children. Here’s Jyotsna Shahane in conversation with Rajani Mani

What’s the story behind The Cook’s Cottage?
“While they say ‘cooking isn’t rocket science’, it took me awhile to learn how to cook well. I found most recipe books lacked information regarding each stage of the cooking process. Cooking is something that you learn through experience, and without someone experienced to point things out, it is a question of trial and error. I wanted to shorten this process for the beginner cook, without access to a mother or family to guide them.”

Your blog never fails to remind its readers the importance of eating locally and sustainably, tell us about that.
“I cannot over-emphasize how important sustainability is to the everyday table. In a country like India, where much of our population is below the poverty line, farmers have small land holdings, and fertilizers and pesticides are causing much debt in our agricultural sector. With the right policies and incentives, their tables and ours could be filled without having to resort to GM foods or imports.”

What would you advice on how we should choose the food we eat?
“I have the same mantra as most slow food followers around the world. Eat local. Buy what is in season and what is harvested close to home. This will subvert those people who profit by artificially prolonging the shelf life of fresh foods, and those who stand to gain by trucking foods across the country and continents at great detriment to the environment.”

In Pune where do you shop for organically grown local produce?
“Organic food is really not available in larger quantities in Pune. There are some small organisations who stock a few types of organic grains and spices but fresh organic produce is almost impossible to get. There have been initiatives to bring local farm produce to the consumer, but these have been scuttled by vested interests.”

Where do you source your recipe from?
“Friends, my mother’s cook book, Madhur Jaffrey, and Narayani Nayak”

5 ingredients you just can’t do without?
“Green coriander, lemons, spinach, peanuts, and black pepper.”

Other than the knife, name one kitchen tool you can’t do without?
“Mortar and Pestle”

What would you like your last meal to be?
“A pan-Indian Thali with all my favourite preparations, from Koshimbir to Pitle to Prawn Curry and Rice. Here’s the recipe for a delicious prawn curry…”

PRAWN CURRY

Ingredients
250 grams large prawns, cleaned and deveined
1 bulb lemon grass, not the fibrous root, crushed
5-6 lemon leaves, crushed
2 medium sized onions, chopped finely
1 sprig curry leaves
1 slit green chilly, with seeds removed
2 peeled tomatoes, finely chopped
2 tablespoon garlic, finely chopped
1 tablespoon ginger paste
1/2 teaspoon turmeric
1/2 teaspoon chilly powder
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons fresh coriander

Method
1. Fry the onions, garlic, lemon grass bulb, lime leaves, curry leaves, green chilly and ginger paste till soft and pulpy.
2. Add the tomatoes and cook for 10 minutes.
3. Now add the turmeric, chilly powder, salt and sugar. Add 2 tablespoons of water and cook covered for 8 minutes till all the ingredients have combined.
4. Next add the prawns and simmer for 5 minutes.
5. Add three tablespoons of prepared coconut milk and fresh coriander leaves. Mix well and serve hot with rice.

For more masala magic, visit Jyotsna’s blog The Cook’s Cottage.

Top 10 fragrances for winter

Right from scarves and coats to jumpers and jackets, there's a whole new wardrobe for the cold months. When we invest so much time and moolah on getting ourselves a cosy look for the season, why not get fragrances apt for the cold too? Chandana Banerjee helps you find perfect warming scents for those cold days and nights

1. Gucci’s latest offering, Gucci Guilty has a strong, woody fragrance. More aromatic, with a hint of romance, this Eau de Toilette comes in a squat gold bottle for Rs 4,100 for 50 ml and Rs 5,300 for 100 ml. If you fancy a matching deodorant, get one for Rs 2,100.

2. Another fragrance you’ll find difficult to resist is Givenchy’s Absolutely Irresistible. Available in 75 ml and 50 ml packs, and packaged in ruby-red, this perfume has Party Wear written all over it. Floral, addictive and strong, the fragrance is great for the intense winter months. This can be yours for Rs 5,150 or Rs 4,130, depending upon the size you choose.

3. Celebration of Happiness from Boss brings back the memories of sunny days and summer fun. Fresh and light, this pretty bottle of perfume is great for day wear. Dab some on when you step out to work or for a day of movies and popcorn. 50 ml of perfume can be yours for Rs 2,950, while the 75 ml bottle is for Rs 3,875.

4. Dior presents Hypnotic Poison, a sensual fragrance with Ylang Ylang essence and hints of orange blossom and vanilla. Packaged in a round, apple-like bottle, in deep burgundy, the fragrance is warm and strong. A timeless perfume, Hypnotic Poison captures the essence of warm festivity. Price points: 100 ml for Rs 6,300 and 50 ml for Rs 4,400.

5. A bottle of Calvin Klein Beauty complements the inner beauty of a woman. Inspired by the Calla Lilly, this perfume has Ambrette seeds as the top note, Jasmine as the heart with Cedar wood forming the base note. Modern, woody and floral, this luminous perfume is truly exclusive.

6. Lanvin - Marry Me! is a floral fragrance for celebratory moments that comes in a bottle that looks like a gift-wrapped package. Guys - if you’re reading this, Marry Me! can be a great gift for your partner- 100 ml for Rs 4,300, 50 ml for Rs 3,300 and 30 ml for Rs 2,300.

7. Carolina Herrera presents 212 VIP is a fruity fragrance with hints of vanilla, and will remind you of Christmas. The perfume is priced between Rs 2,550 to Rs 4,250, depending upon the size of the bottle.

8. Another fruity fragrance with top notes of sweet orange, fresh raspberry, crystal mint, orange flower, peony sorbet and jasmine forming the heart and vanilla, patchouli and cashmere at the base, Lady Million is a feast of fragrances and textures.

9. Dior’s Escale aux Marquises takes the wearer on a faraway journey. Travel to the Indian Ocean Islands and savour the freshness of fragrant spices with a whiff of this exotic perfume that is packed with interesting fragrances - orange essence, pink peppercorns and Tahitian Tiare flowers. Citrus and very fresh, this perfume promises to tease your senses on a cold, dull day. Pick one up for Rs 5,975 or Rs 4,190 for 125 ml or 75 ml, respectively.

10. J’adore, another fragrant offering from Dior, this floral perfume with potpourri of essences - Neroli, Magnolia and Bergamot, come in a sleek and slender bottle, with perfume the colour of honey. Pick one up - 125 ml for Rs 6,400 and 75 ml for Rs 4,570

Balance your body alternatively!

How about opting for alternative treatments to balance and prepare your body for the wedding season's grind? Somantic Healing, Dhara Massage, Laughter Yoga Therapy or even Sattvic Weekend Retreats will help you attain holistic health. Trupti gets the details for you

Let the goodness flow
Wedding season translates into late nights and incorrigible food indulgences which can lead to excessive toxins and hormonal imbalances in your body. One of the best ways to eliminate these toxins and balance your hormones is to go in for a Dhara massage (Shirodhara and Chakradhara). An important process in Ayurveda, it is offered in various spas and Ayurvedic centres these days with skilful therapists who treat your body with an array of repetitive and slow movements such as kneading, squeezing, and rubbing.

Shriodhara enhances blood circulation to the brain, improves mental clarity, and generally releases deeply trapped toxins. On the other hand, Chakradhara balances the energy flow and purifies the mind, body, and soul.

Laugh the blues away
Sometimes, balancing work and social commitments can get really tiring. But there is a cure - Laughter Yoga therapy, which gives the adage ‘laughter is the best medicine’ a whole new meaning.

“Laughter is a great stress buster that we naturally possess but we tend to take its importance for granted. With the help of some simple and effective exercises and breathing techniques included in Laughter Yoga, we take in a good supply of oxygen. This boosts our immunity and produces the feel good hormone endorphin in our body that elevates our mood, wastes carbon dioxide and releases toxins, negativity, stress, and nervousness. Perfect to combat the festive frenzy, right?” says Khushmita, a renowned Laughter Yoga therapist.

The real icing on the cake is that ten minutes of Laughter Yoga equals to thirty minutes on a treadmill!

Take a yogic break
Going away to a yogic retreat is the perfect way to prepare you for the mad rush of the festivities. Aimed at rejuvenating and detoxifying your body and mind, these retreats are sheer bliss. Manish Pole of www.totalyoga.in, who conducts regular yogic retreats, says, “The retreat is great for all sorts of people. You get a chance to rejuvenate in the lap of nature, while learning vital and often esoteric yogic practices that can be applied in routine life. It will also teach you to incorporate these exercises in your hectic schedules to offset bad digestion, sudden weight gain and so on!”

The retreats are generally conducted far away from the city. It could vary from a one hour session followed by a delicious brunch to a two day retreat that comprises of pranayama, internal yogic cleansing kriyas, and meditation along with nature treks. At the end of it, you will be surprised at how effortlessly you are prepared to tackle the festive stress!

Tune in to the subconscious
Somantic therapy can help you de-stress like nothing else. It’s like a tool we can use in our ongoing and lifelong journey of growth and healing. Somatic healing uses hypnosis to access the subconscious mind and its infinite healing powers. It taps into the recesses of the mind and nervous system to take care of all those recurrent health problems with very promising results. The power to de-stress might lie in our own subconscious…neat, isn’t it?

None of these treatments have any side effects; hence you could safely opt for them. Nevertheless, we recommend that you consult a doctor before taking the plunge, in case you have any chronic problems.

Honeymoon with a wild twist!

Just married? Come along for the ride as Baisakhi Roy checks out some really crazy and very exotic honeymoon destinations

1) Have a meat-fest
Hawaii is not just sand and snorkelling. A better way to celebrate wedded bliss is eating your guts out at a traditional “luau”. Far from being a picnic table affair, this is an elaborate ceremony where you will be regaled with Polynesian music and dance while you enjoy a demonstration of their native arts and crafts. Then, the fun begins. At a typical luau, in a large pit called the “imu”, a large pig, sweet potatoes and laulau (fish and pork wrapped in a leaf) are placed and covered with banana leaves and ti leaves. then after a couple of hours and a few mai-tais down, watch the unearthing of a steaming, roasted pig from the underground oven accompanied by exotic Hawaiin food like huli huli chicken, fresh mahi mahi, poi and sweet potatoes, fruits, vegetables and delectable desserts.

There are three nightly luaus hosted along Kaanapali Beach: the Hyatt Regency Maui’s ‘Drums of the Pacific,’ and the one hosted by the Royal Lahaina Resort; one of Maui’s longest-running luaus. Romance blossoms on a full tummy.

2) Swim with the fish
Yes you could and then stay on. Jules’ Undersea Lodge, at the bottom of the Emerald Lagoon in Key Largo, Florida is perfect for couples who love marine life and literally want to be a part of it. Getting to the lodge is an adventure magnifique. Visitors must dive 21 feet down below the surface and swim through the tropical mangrove habitat of the Emerald Lagoon going up underneath the structure to enter a space through the floor in the hotels ‘wet’ room. “Entering through an opening in the bottom of the habitat, the feeling is much like discovering a secret underwater clubhouse,” according to the lodge’s Web site. See some amazing technology in the Marine Lab, an underwater laboratory devoted exclusively to research and education. Befriend some parrotfish and barracuda while the “mer-chef” dives into the hotel to prepare your dinner. Don’t fret if you don’t know how to dive; the lodge provides lessons for all levels. Seal that pact with love and a wet kiss.

3) Hike up the passion with biking
Take your love to dizzying heights with a biking honeymoon in Oaxaca’s Northern Sierras. Exotic flowers crowd the slopes, and even on the sunniest of days, puffy white clouds loft in from the Gulf of Mexico to cool you. Pine forests give the mountains their green colour and add shade. You can choose from over a dozen inexpensive lodging places called cabanas where you can stay while not biking up the mountains. The housing is reasonably priced to attract adventure junkies and eco-tourists. Add to that the locally grown fresh farm food and you have an inexpensive way to spend your days wrapped in love, savouring some fresh, rare air. And if the culture craving seeps in, explore the ruins in Monte Alban (one of the earliest cities of Mesoamerica), located 10 km west of the state capital, Oaxaca City.

4) Camp with the lions
Does big game give you a thrill? Then, one of the largest game reserves in Kenya, The Masai Mara is where you could set up camp. Or it could be done for you; the safari experience is quadrupled when you are right in the middle of the action. The Mara is home to some of the best tented luxury camps in Africa and wait, there’s more. All tents are equipped with flushing toilets, haute cuisine and sun downers served by waiters wearing white gloves. You can begin your mornings with a slow mocha, watching the wildebeest (belongs to the goat family) converging at the waterhole (most of the hotels set up camps along the Talek river) right from your tent. Then take a convertible van out into a no-holds barred wildlife adventure as you sneak up on a herd of African elephants or a family of lions lazying over their kill. Sweet moments spent in savannah splendour!

Kitchen Confidential

Self taught cook and baker Jacob Blankenship runs his virtual kitchen over at his blog Jacob's Kitchen. While most blogs stop at recipes and photographs, Jacob tells you all about eating what you just cooked.

Luxury food at its best, Jacob inspires and often urges his readers to “examine the beauty of food”. Talking to Rajani Mani, Jacob Blankenship talks about how he hopes to “inspire people to be more adventurous in the kitchen” and the one advice he has for readers is to “stop and smell the cupcakes”. Here’s more from him…

What’s your story?
“I have been cooking and baking for as far back as I can remember. Even as a three year old, I would drag a little black stool all around my grandmother’s kitchen, where she taught me how to make bread, cakes, pies, biscuits, jam, and cobblers. Over the years I have collected a lot of cookbooks, and watched countless hours of cooking shows on television. But what I love most about food is its ability to bring us all a little closer together.”

What is Jacob’s Kitchen all about?
“While I do blog about all of the food that I make, I have a special place in my heart for desserts, so I find that I blog about those most frequently. Beyond that, my posts have an emphasis on entertaining, presentation, and how to serve delicious, impressive dishes with as little work as humanly possible.”

You live in Oregon, tell us about the local food scene.
“In Oregon I am fortunate to live in the rich Willamette valley which offers a wide array of fresh produce, and local artisan wines and cheeses. Marionberries, blackberries, blueberries, boysenberries, hazelnuts, asparagus, apples, and pears are just a fraction of our area’s bounty.”

A delicious food memory?
“My great great grandmother’s yeast rolls that we make for all of our holidays and special occasions. As if the entirety of my life was contained inside of the warm, feathery layers of dough. What could be more delicious than that?”

Your favourite cooking smell?
“Does anything compare to the smell of sautéing onions and garlic, or fresh bread baking?”

Five ingredients you just can’t do without
“Some of my most used, and most cherished ingredients are, fresh lemons, butter, vanilla (beans and extract), garlic, and salt.”

Where are you most likely to source your recipe from?
“My most trusted recipes come from Ina Garten’s Barefoot Contessa series. Her recipes never fail!”

What would you like your last meal to be?
“I have often been asked this question, and fear that when the time came to make the decision that I would be paralyzed by the many amazing choices. But it would certainly have to include spicy Thai panang curry, some delicious fresh sushi, hot garlic naan, lots of amazing cheeses, and a big slice of strawberry cheesecake.”

What recipe are you sharing with us?
“This simple caramel sauce is great served over fresh fruit, ice cream, cakes, pies, and puddings. It lasts for weeks in the refrigerator, and makes any last minute dessert feel really special.”

SALTED VANILLA CARAMEL SAUCE

Ingredients
3 cups granulated sugar
2/3 cup water
2 ½ cups heavy cream
½ teaspoon salt (or to taste)
2 tablespoons pure vanilla extract

Method
1. In a small bowl, combine the salt and vanilla extract, set aside.
2. In a sauce pan, stir together the sugar and water. Cook over low heat for approximately 10 minutes, or until the syrup is clear. Once clear, turn the heat up to medium and boil for 5-12 minutes, or until the syrup has turned a warm chestnut brown. Off the heat, stir in the cream, being cautious, as this addition will cause the syrup to bubble up violently.
3. Back over low heat, stir the caramel until the sugar has once again melted, the bubbles subside, and the mixture becomes homogeneous.
4. Remove from the heat and stir in the vanilla mixture.
5. Serve at room temperature over fresh fruit, ice cream, puddings, or cakes. Keep refrigerated for up to two weeks.

For more delicious masterpieces and tips on luxurious fine dining, visit Jacob’s Kitchen.