What’s your intimacy quotient?

Intimacy is to sex what cuddling is to foreplay. It brings you close enough so you can get even closer. But in a relationship, it's easy to confuse sex with intimacy. Binal Zaveri-Ghelani asks a few questions to score your marriage on the I factor

You know his favourite fantasy, but do you know which teacher he had a crush on? He knows where it’s leading when you lean in for a kiss, but can he predict your next move? It doesn’t take long for a solid relationship to go from sizzle to snore, and the only thing that keeps it from doing that is your shared level of intimacy. Intimacy introduces you to new aspects of the person you fell in love with. Take the quiz and see how it all adds up.

1. When you hear stories about special things that some couples do, how do you feel?
a. It makes me envious.
b. It makes me smile, but wonder what their secret is.
c. I have a feeling of unspoken companionship with that.

2. If one of you has had a bad day, what do you do?
a. We talk about it-that eases half the burden.
b. We prefer dealing with situations in our own ways.
c. If it’s a big issue, we’ll talk about it. But we don’t like troubling each other with every little thing that gets us down.

3. Do you tell each other secrets that you wouldn’t even tell your closest friends?
a. Of course! We’re soul mates.
b. There’re some things that friends understand better than partners, so it really depends.
c. No way. Friends are better listeners.

4. How clued in are you to each other’s sexual satisfaction?
a. Sex is a routine with practised moves.
b. We’ll ask each other how it feels.
c. We know what melts the other and try to focus on optimum pleasure.

5. Do you escort each other to weddings and other social functions?
a. We almost always have separate social calendars. Why bore the other person when they already have a busy life of their own?
b. Absolutely. We have plenty of friends in common and are close to each other’s families.
c. It depends on the occasion. If we know and like the people, we do. Or else, we’ll find an excuse.

6. How much blackmail-worthy stuff do you know about each other?
a. It’s generally embarrassing stuff that we’ve witnessed.
b. We’re pretty closed up about our pasts, so there isn’t much.
c. There’s oodles of stuff right from nerdy childhood pictures to stories about high school crushes.

7. After a sack session, you…
a. Cuddle for a bit before heading to your laptops.
b. Take a shower, together.
c. Immediately fall asleep.

8. What role does foreplay occupy in your sex life?
a. It’s an intricate part and sometimes we get so much into it that we don’t get to the actual act.
b. Foreplay, what’s that?
c. Foreplay is usually a means to get the other aroused enough for sex.

9. Do you ever pretend to have an orgasm?
a. Sometimes, when I know it’s just not going to happen.
b. All the time!
c. Nope. If I don’t get there, I don’t get there. The journey counts as much as the destination.

10. Do you know what your partner’s biggest sexual fantasy is?
a. I’ve made it come true for him!
b. Fantasies are for solo-pleasure…why share?
c. We know each other’s turn-ons, isn’t that enough?

Rate yourself

1. a: 1 b: 2 c: 3

2. a: 3 b: 1 c: 2

3. a: 3 b: 2 c: 1

4. a: 1 b: 2 c: 3

5. a: 1 b: 3 c: 2

6. a: 2 b: 1 c: 3

7. a: 2 b: 3 c: 1

8. a: 3 b: 1 c: 2

9. a: 2 b: 1 c: 3

10. a: 3 b: 1 c: 2

If you scored…

10-16: You guys are as tight-lipped as CID agents! You are like buddies just sharing a roof. Even roommates are more keyed into each other’s lives. Lose the ego and the BlackBerry and make time for each other. Share dreams and ambitions. Or before you know it, you’ll end up on a shrink’s couch and won’t know how you got there.

17-22: You care deeply about each other and often make the other a priority. But there are still areas you can work on to get more intimate with your mate. Talk more, not just about today, but about the past and future as well. Try to be more conscious of what the other really wants, both in bed and outside. While you appreciate the fact that both of you have the right to sometimes say no, make sure that you’re sensitive to what’s really important to the other person and make that a priority for you as well.

23-30: Great going! You and your partner have created a world that no one else is privy to. You’re totally in sync with each other and can complete each other’s sentences. You have internalised what really turns your partner on. While you connect on many different levels, remember that there’s a thin line between loving someone and spoiling them with attention.