What is it that can make you get up and say enough is enough? 5 Women talk about why they took the decision of walking out of their committed relationships and what finally triggered the call. By Smita Singh
From monogamous to monotonous- The dull and the dreary
“We met through our parents, we sat and discussed work, family, backgrounds, tastes, you name it,” says Deepti of her first of many meetings with her husband of five years whom she recently separated from. “My parents encouraged some distance, as a result I ended up with someone who looked good on paper but was the most disinterested, dull and lifeless person I could have ever imagined. What I perceived as formality and shyness was boredom and next to no imagination.” In face of a life spent with someone who infused no joy, no creativity, and refused to evolve beyond perfunctory trips to his parents, evenings spent in front of the television, and no real connection of thoughts and aspirations, Deepti decided to save the rest of her life for herself and for someone who responded to her life more enthusiastically.
Hooked for life to life on tenterhooks- In to the combat zone
When Monica met him, she knew it was going to last for a long long time. They worked in the same IT firm, their friends all rooted for them and they turned each other on at every level. “I was so thrilled at finding a man I could match wits with, who was and also lets me be combative, charged and bouncing on new ideas. Till I realized he just has to be combative all the time! It was just too much to have to defend every little thing I uttered all day long. It wore me thin to a breaking point- not agreeing on anything, having to justify why I wanted to be friends with someone, why not with somebody else, what my political views are on something and why.” So after three years with almost daily challenges of warding off an onslaught of demeaning allegations and suspicious questioning, Monica walked out of the most promising and the most exhausting relationship of her life at 28.
A penny for your thoughts, literally- The misery of the miser
Well there are some of us who like to pay our bills always, share the burden, take a load off, but that’s just not the same as paying for his new underwear and buying most of his meals- especially when he’s your boss too! “He was actually my supervisor in the marketing company where I worked and after I left, our parents thought it’d be cool to get us together. We went out for 6 months and not a day more!” Almost engaged to the man, Ritu had the hardest time explaining to his parents in embarrassing detail how their son wouldn’t spring for a cola, much less buy tickets or a meal ever! Says Ritu, “He was so tight fisted I cannot remember even once when he agreed to go out with my friends and paid the bill. He never suggested going out so why should he pay, was his logic.” And that spelt a lifetime of solitary partying on pizzas at home or getting crossed out from most friend lists, so Ritu decided to cut her losses and walk out.
Seldom sober but forever sexist - Sick jokes and sicker liver
If your ‘life of the party’ partner goes out like a light as soon as the alcohol’s gone, that’s some booze for thought! “I put everything in trying to pull this relationship through at all costs,” recalls Shipra of her seven-year marriage. After discovering it was not just the alcohol, but his background, his work culture, his major choices in life that she’d have to fight she started giving up hope. “It’s true with most substance abusers- there’s always more than the surface level problem, but the person has to be willing to get out, and what kind of a person would he be once he does get out?” Shipra decided after 7 long years to break away when she started to dislike the person under the alcoholic as well. “His dissatisfaction with life, with himself was all bound up in this rigid hatred of women and I couldn’t live with the sexist jokes in public and the misogyny in private.” Shipra is now divorced and very much at peace.
Where did the love go? - The deal breaks when you don’t know
It might feel like a spell when you first fall in love, but in real life how often are you lucky enough to know exactly when it breaks? Kiran remembers, “We were, by the time my son was born, a perfectly robotic couple. Breakfast, off to work, back to nanny and kid, rushed dinner, numbing television, hurried sex if ever and back to the next day.” After 4 years of living like this the breaking point happened when Kiran saw him with a colleague at a party. “He looked so young, flirtatious, and almost handsome with her. I knew he no longer loved me. That night started our biggest row, led to many more talks and our friends are still surprised at the ease with which we decided to end the marriage.”
If he never cheated on you, you never argued with him, he never let you down, you never nagged him, he never picked on you, you never raged at him- have you got the perfect deal going or is it really the deal breaker? Think about it!
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