‘We need to talk!’

The fastest way to send your man packing is to say these four words! But sometimes talk is all you need, so how to get him to sit on that table with you? Clinical Psychologist Prachi S Vaish presents five ways to clinch this near-impossible task!

Change your words
Yes, you heard it right. If you want to make these four words work, don’t say them! Instead try a different approach. Broach the subject on your mind when he’s in a relaxed mood by hinting at it sideways. Say “Hey, do you think we could take a minute to discuss that issue?” or “Umm…I was wondering if I could get your thoughts on this thing on my mind….” Letting him know that you are actually looking forward to his take on something, will prevent his emotional barriers from going up and you will have a much more receptive partner.

Fix a date
Even though you’ve given him an open ended opportunity to talk, make sure you set a firm enough time for both of you, like “How about we take it up next Friday on a walk by the beach?” By mentioning a specific time, you’re letting him see that you’re serious about this and also not allowing him to procrastinate. In addition, mentioning a pleasant activity along with it doesn’t send warning signals to his brain that something might be wrong. We know all too well that an invitation to talk spells trouble for men!

Listen first
So you’re sitting down and he’s willing to give it a shot. But don’t let your mouth run away with the words straight off. If he has agreed to listen, then he should be given a fair chance to speak too. And wired as men are, it doesn’t cost much to let him have the first go, but earns you loads of brownie points! Just put the issue on the table in concrete words and let him voice his thoughts first. He might just be thinking about it the way you already are!

Keep things precise
Guys tune out when you stretch what you’re saying too much. So try to keep your expressions simple and accurate. Let him know what you expect and keep your demands reasonable. When you say what you want exactly, instead of a lot of ‘Umms…errs…the thing is etc.’ he really hears you out.

Stick to the issue
These ‘we need to talk’ sessions are meant to deal with something important that’s weighing on your mind. Do not use them to accuse him for past mistakes or oversight. You will end up flinging dirt at each other for hours and ultimately lose the actual topic along the way, for which you will need to schedule another session; and given your repeat nag-performances, your man will try to avoid them more and more and you’re back at square-one!

Propositioning your man tactfully and meeting the issue head-on can save a lot of time and hedging; just sit down and talk like adults and yours will be one of the very few men who love their conversations!