You may be married, engaged, a mother of two but remember that wild crush, that swinging affair, the love that swept you off your feet? 3 Women share the wildest, most passionate past life loves that they have moved on and away from, but they appear every now and then to remind them of a strange old time. By Smita Singh
Cold Dish, Saucy Thoughts
“Even if it wasn’t for keeps, it certainly was an affair to remember - that crazy bike ride with him, my first encounter of the best kind, the kiss that was never topped. The list goes on and so do your thoughts,” says Madhuri Gaurav of her six month long passionate affair with a college mate years ago.
“I am actually doing great with my man - but there are times when we are sitting in a restaurant we have been to a million times, the waiter knows what we are going to order before we do, with basically nothing to talk about. I find my mind going to the crazy time when I would stand for hours waiting for him in the rain. I met him bunking almost all classes for six months till the professors sent a letter home! Of course I tore that apart and continued meeting him come exams, storms or complaints. We were in a small town where gossip ruled and lying and hiding from parents and relatives was adventuresome enough to make even an otherwise inconsequential romance appear absurdly intense! In comparison watching my husband dig into the same chicken he orders every week seems so dull that I could tear my hair, of course never in my dreams would I let it show!”
Blame it on the Dry Spell
There are enough times when the physical craving for that fervent past becomes overwhelming to the senses so as to make your current rough dry spell feel intolerable by comparison. Vineeta knows what that is like, “We had this great romantic dating phase, but now after a kid, everything seems too safe, stable and incredibly stale really. I had this torrid, almost bordering on abusive relationship with this guy who was a common friend and I hate it when my mind goes back to him. Of course I realise that what I crave for is actually that mere slice of my life that I left behind, the thrill of discovery that is raw and new, the “forbidden fruit syndrome” as my friends call it! He was exciting, he was a wildly sexual man, and sex with him was actually a frenzied session where control was more important than connection. But In all the emotional chow-chow that marriage brings, I sometimes crave for that wild, disconnected satiating experience I know I want, but won’t go after ever.”
Love’s Labour Lost
Well the emotional roller coaster may be the bane of most marriages but then there are those relationships too that were so high on drama that living without that element might seem almost painfully dull. Aprajita knows that feeling only too well. “I think perhaps I have been single for too long, that’s what people tell me when I go into bouts of depression missing him, rejecting perfectly fine men. He was my superior at work. He was jealous, possessive but I never had a problem with that. I loved the passion with which he came to me after work, like he couldn’t wait. When we broke up- because he had to get married to the girl his parents chose for him, I was shocked that I never saw it coming. It was humiliating to be rejected like that, and I never want him back. But that resolve vanishes in moments when I am least prepared - a touch, a wrinkle on someone’s forehead, a perfume, a colour- it’s enough to make me dizzy with a desperate desire for him. It’s been years, but I can get drunk on the mere memory of his presence by my side.”
It is love, it is loss, it is life- sometimes you pass by all three unscathed and then there are those that pull you back mercilessly into a world that doesn’t exist anymore. Be wise, move on.
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